And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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