Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
