Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize