I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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