It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
