i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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