Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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