So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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