Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
