I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just pee around me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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