I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
