I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Congratulations! We have a period
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
