I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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