Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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