I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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