Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I lost the right to judge tonight
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