My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
