I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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