Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
