I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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