I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
