dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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