I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
