i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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