Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
