I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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