Just fell off a train. Bad.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
