I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
