what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my liver is dry heaving
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
