She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
