I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
