we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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