Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
