i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
