The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
