i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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