This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
