Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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