just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
And then he peed in my hair
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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