my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
