I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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