The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
