Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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