i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
