First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
