Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
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I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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