peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
