Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
