Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You ate ashes out of my bong
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
