he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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