im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Text me some of your sweat
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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