I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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