What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize