I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
