Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
