12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
