I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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