Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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