Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
