As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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