I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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