Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.