I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
