Jerry, you need to find god
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors