if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
