Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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