Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
