we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
