he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
