Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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