his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
